A Memory of My Father on the 30th Anniversary of His Death

As we approached the end my Father would tell me, every chance we had to be together, "I can't wait to spoil my Grand Child ROTTEN" Rowena and I have your back on this one Dad and we will carry on in your name. But despite our best efforts; pure sugar just doesn't spoil.  

The Price

" I don't know how long it took me to get to the bottom of that hill, to a point they couldn't see me. They had pinned us down early in the day, and it seemed like it took hours to get to the little swale where I could get upright enough to throw a grenade thirty feet. I didn't know how many men were up there. They had a machine gun, we knew that. It got quiet for a minute my squad was waiting for my order for covering fire and had their heads down so there was nothing for the machine gun crew to shoot at. So I grabbed a grenade, gave the sign, and all hell broke loose. I pulled the pin but there was no puff of smoke and I thought it was a dud. Then I remembered hearing about a new grenade that was quieter and didn't give off the puff of smoke that could give away where you were and what you were doing. Now usually you count to three before you throw so the bastards don't get a chance to throw it back at you. But it was too late for that and I had know idea how long I had been holding it. so I lobbed it up towards the ridge and it hung over their trench as it went off. Everyone in the trench got the full force and all the shrapnel. There was no more shooting from that position. I worked my way up and around with my Corporal, not taking any chances. Behind the machine gun were two Chinese gunners and farther down were two North Koreans next to a box full of ammo. The Grenade had killed them all. Now when you're shooting at a group or even someone in the open everyone's shooting. You don't know who killed who, and in the weeks after the Chinese joined the war there wasn't any time to think much about it, but I knew I had killed these men. I started to shake. The gunners had been torn up pretty bad but the Koreans were not. They looked like children. My Corporal went down and got the men together to move out. I joined up with them later, after I got my self back together. That Son, was the first time I knew for sure I had killed someone."
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Memorial Day addition:
What I cannot express in this was how my Father's voice changed as he spoke. At first he was angry I had asked if he had killed someone in the war, I guess he had been asked the question before, but it ended as more of a confession. As painful as this admission was, it opened the door for other discussions to follow.

Dear Ella

Dear Ella,

As your Father I feel it is my duty to protect you from danger. I will, however, not always be able to do so. You may not always want me to try. But there are times in almost every one's life when a dangerous situation happens beyond anyone's control. If this happens to you, as it has to me, you will need to put your knowledge,your ability to think, and your training into action even though you will be afraid.

Swimming class is part of this training. It is a skill that may one day save your life. It is a skill that will also be a chance for you to grow strong in your body and confident in your ability to achieve. It will give you Freedom; the chance to enjoy the world more completely. What you did this week when you “jumped into the deep end” was take another step into what will be your world and your life. I am proud of you for this. You trusted us and yourself and you did a great thing.

In honor of your your achievement you will get to choose your own bicycle today. One that will never have training wheels,

Your Dad

5/19/2012

Voice

This is the Woman God has lead me to. And when I listen to her I can hear the Voice of God. I hear the Truth. I hear the Wisdom. There is Resonance. In Her Words the World is laid before me like a Feast. It is because of her I can hear the Voice of God. 


This is the Child God has  given us. When I hear her, when I listen, I can hear the voice of God. I hear Laughter. There is Great Joy. Wonder. We Learn together. There is an Echo in the Valley with every Word and it is the Voice of God. 


When we gather together, You and I as two or more, What Is Among Us shall have a Voice. I want to share what is in my Heart. I will talk about my Fears without Fear. I will share the things I Hope For. I will offer what little I have that is mine, and in the  Moments we share Silence, perhaps we shall hear the Voice of God.